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Part 2 Communications.001

Got a strange sense of deja vu, eh? Feel like you’ve seen this column before? Know where it’s gonna go, what it will say, how it will end?

You have seen it.  Well, some – those who “follow” the column – have. You got a sneak peek 10 days back when I hit publish rather than preview. My friend Jini immediately wrote me about the laughter I’d provided on a Monday instead of the usual Thursday. I thought she’d just been eating her own cooking again but Miss Jini’s delirium was, in fact, reality: the column went live!

I pulled it back right away. This did not keep readers from slinging opinions but did prevent their thoughts from being seen in the “Comments” section.

Until now.

To those who “unwrapped” your gift early, shame on you. (I’m re-directing blame.) Give the column another read, then share it with the world. To you well-behaved, patient, non-ADHD types who didn’t receive the unauthorized release, it’s time to dive in and catch up on the fun ….

* * * * *

In this week’s “ADHD-Powered” offering, I return readers to the previous thrilling-but-incomplete June 6th column for the spine-tingling conclusion!

Hey, Mr. Wizard, taunts one of my seemingly never-silent six screens, your title is kind of boring, don’t you think?

Prods a second screen, Tell readers how these threads connect your cronies.

Connect your cronies? challenges another screen. Connect? More like smack them silly!

Two weeks ago, I taught you in this column that “margents” are the snail-mail forerunners of e-mail “threads.” Because you learn so quickly, I also taught you “threads” are good for strengthening family relationships.

You may recall I sent youngest brother Barry a photo of a seal eating a shark. You also may recall that the seal himself killed the shark.

As opposed to, say, a hit man doing it? And didn’t the seal kill five sharks?

I commented upon that stunning animal kingdom reversal by sending this e-mail to Barry, then copying it to a cousin in the Badlands of South Dakota and to extended family all over America …

Blackie: This seal actually killed several good-sized sharks throughout the week, then ate them! Ever see anything like that, young man?

Barry: No, but I would like to buy that seal a beer!

Cousin Kenny: Here’s a picture of that same seal three hours later, after Barry rewarded it with a 12-pack! Yup, he’s telling “stupid shark” stories, saying, “Did you hear the one about the time I ….”

Blackie: Well, Kenny, you’ve certainly earned my Good Housekeeping™ Approval of Seal!

Ted: So two sharks walk into a bar and say to the bartender …

Now, fill in your own answer.

Did your brother just write, “Two sharks walk into a bar”? asks a screen who apparently also is a self-proclaimed wildlife biologist. He does understand that a shark being called a dogfish doesn’t mean it walks or barks, right?

Cousin Kenny: OK, so two sharks walk into a bar and say to the bartender, “We’ll take a couple quarter-flounders with cheese.”

Ted: Argh – you’re killin’ me! My turn. So two sharks walk into a bar and ask the bartender …

… what kind of money do fishermen make?
Bartender: I dunno.
Sharks: Net profits

… what do you call a literary fish?
Bartender: I dunno.
Sharks: Salmon Rushdie.

… what do you call a dangerous fish that drinks?
Bartender: I dunno.
Sharks:  A beeracuda.

… what do you call a fish with no eyes?
Bartender: I dunno.
Sharks:   A fsh.

Blackie: I’m laughing so hard right now, I look just like [twin sister] DiAnnie with her Chinese eyes!

Barry and that Chinese DiAnnieDianne: So I go to one meeting – one – and I come back to this abuse? And to the funniest seal picture ever, one to be saved forever right next to the penguin that smacks down the other one. Absolutely loved all this!

And Oh My Gosh! I cried at ALL THE HORRIBLE JOKES! And CHINESE eyes? From my twin? That is just terrible. My eyes are just big enough now to see that you are in trouble! BIG trouble. (Which means as far as I can see. Squint, squint.)

Blackie: Uh-oh … DiAnnie Oakley just morphed into Squint Eastwood!

Cousin Kenny: SQUINT EASTWOOD!!!!!! Home run, Blackie. Hilarious!

Thor: HAHAHAHA! I’m laughing out loud.  You guys are killing me.

Dianne: Where do you come up with this stuff?????? LOL. And darn me, you caught me by surprise … you coulda heard my guffaw all the way up there. I sure can hear you laughing all the way down here …

One can only hope you snorted your tea with it!  🙂

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Postscript: I know I’m supposed to have signed off, but I wonder whether you might have time for one more, super-quick, family thread …

Blackie: Hope you enjoy the banter in tonight’s column, buddies!

Mike: New column. And yet again, it’s funny and seriously well-written. I keep thinking someone is ghost-writing it . . .

Ted:  Can’t you tell? t@D is GhOst ritting thE bLOg.

Dianne: This may win as the” Most Perfect Response” to any email that has ever been written. 😎 Hilarious.

Ted: Should be interesting to read what you conjured up this week.

Blackie: More lies. To quote lyrics from the late Warren Zevon, “Send lawyers, guns and money.”

Ted: I plead the Fifth on everything you write that has even a hint of me being involved. Ever. You always had the ideas. I was just a dopey minion.

Blackie: Hey, Dopey, is a minion the male form of an onion?

Ted: No, Grumpy. It’s when you make a ton of money and are rich beyond belief. You are a minionaire.