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Imagine yourself in a multiplex movie theater. Curiously, no walls separate the half-dozen theaters that form the multiplex. Miraculously, you are watching six different screens all at once, thoroughly understanding and enjoying every scene, word, character.

Welcome to ADHD

[You in the Real World, be sure to click on the red underlined hyperlinks! And know these accounts are truewithout exaggeration!]

Andy GriffithA fictional sheriff’s tact and compassion are alive and well in Rossford …

In a day and age when police officers are vilified as uncaring even as they lose their lives protecting us, this personal experience needs to be shared.

A true story, clarifies Screen One, involving exchanges between a dedicated Rossford Police Department officer (given a fictitious name for privacy) and you, Boss, the town “walker.”

Good morn, Officer Taylor –

You came to my home in swift response to a woman’s dog running loose and chasing me. (Trying to escape the big black dog’s wrath, I suffered an injured left knee and wrenched back when I misstepped and smashed into a silver car instead of hopping atop its hood.)

White men cannot jump, sighs Five.

I saw you knocking on the door of that woman’s home. I have no knowledge of the discussion because you asked that I allow you to handle the matter without interference. Please fill me in on what was said and what measures now will be in place to protect me and our friends’ four little girls during our walks.

Thank you for your calm spirit that morn and your service to us each day,


Considering the pain you are in, Black, comments Four, this is a kind note. Then again, it is not the fault of the officer that you proved unable to leap with agility.

Mr. Blackwell,  

I usually see you walking through town every day. I haven’t seen you since the incident. Go figure. I took a week off as well and was not able to contact you.

She liesThe owner of the dog informed me she was outside when the incident happened and that her dog never left the yard.  I brought up the previous incidents of her dog running after people and told her she needs to better control her dog so it does not have the opportunity to injure someone. 

Direct but diplomatic! applauds impressed Six.

She said her dog – which actually was extremely friendly to me – has never bitten or been aggressive with anyone.

“Not aggressive,” she claims? shouts riled Three. What a crock of cheese!

Rossford Municipal code only addresses when a dog leaves the yard or barks an extended period of time.  Personally, I – knowing there might be a chance the dog could be out – would avoid that side of the street to avoid any possibility of an altercation, especially if I were with small children.  That might not be satisfying –

An understatement, agrees Two.

–  but I would not chance an incident, especially when there are so many other ways to walk around without coming close to that dog.  I hope the owner heeds the warning, but if the dog is spotted out of the yard, please call so we can address the problem.   

See you around,

Officer Taylor

How can you argue his thoughtful response? asks One.

G’day to you, Officer Taylor –

Thanks for your apology, though I realize far greater matters weigh down our excellent officers. Truly, I appreciated your swift response and calm manner of fielding the episode. Another officer (himself just bitten by a dog!) did contact me to review case details.

Here’s my struggle: I read your note the same day I paid yet another doctor to treat injuries sustained in “escaping” the black dog. (Earmuffs markedly diminished my hearing – I knew only that a woman was screaming and a dog’s angry barking approached me at high speed. Did he leave the yard? I cannot say. In the dark, I was busy bolting and, ultimately, smashing into the car I thought might provide rooftop sanctuary.)

Multi-tasking is your talent, praises Six.

Which wayThis encounter marks the fourth mishap incurred as I’ve walked the Rossford streets. Three times now the RPD has asked me to walk somewhere else to avoid dogs running loose. Three times I have changed my route. I’ve even followed your officers’ suggestions to walk in the street (instead of on sidewalks) and to walk earlier in the morn (I’ve moved my time from 5:15am to 4am). 

Yet my safety has been compromised following each change, despite demonstrating sincere interest in skirting conflict. My efforts have been met with surgeries, doctor visits, and owners’ curses. What happened to my rights as a responsible citizen?

Wish I had written that, admires Five.

Frustrated and concerned, I now carry grizzly bear repellent –

Ahh, sighs Three in satisfaction, the “Great Persuader.”

– to certify I suffer no more ill effects caused by roaming dogs and thoughtless owners. (This move is backed by the just-bitten officer who contacted me in your absence.) My hesitation in using such powerful substances is gone, courtesy of the extreme pain endured from the last encounter and the reconstructive shoulder surgeries of the penultimate attack.

Again, I understand you’ve done your best to keep things low-key and safe. I now do my best to certify they remain that way.

Sincerely, Blackie Blackwell

Officer Taylor does not respond to this, observes One.

Adds Four, I would be saddened by the absence of his diplomatic responses were it not for the resultant dialed-up protection of Rossford. Realize, Black, you have not been chased since.

“Correct,” I gratefully reply. “That officer is a true-blue role model of what neighborhoods need in these troubling times.”

And now, says Three with a smile, the “dog days of summer” are no more.

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Blackie’s Weekly Wonders

Speaking of being chased (which “Snopes” denies) …

A policeman’s song calms a wee heart …

Officers and gentlemen tend a broken bride